I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
