I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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