why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
