This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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