i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
