I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
