Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and she was petting her beer can
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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