I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm bleeding and have questions
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
