Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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