So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
