Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
