can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
