i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
