I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
