she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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