when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I party with great urgency now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
