i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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