You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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