i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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