since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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