I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
