For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
