I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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