I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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