i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
