I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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