Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
