Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
