Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you never un-have a 4some
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
