we have pet lesbian snakes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
