So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
