cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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