Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
