You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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