Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
