I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
