Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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