Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
