The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
