I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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