At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
