I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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