I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
