I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
