this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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