When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
