Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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