So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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