Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Two words: blizzard sex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
