i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
