i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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