Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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