I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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