Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
