If i come over, it means nothing
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
