the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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