Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
