my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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