so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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