I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
