i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
