Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
