This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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