I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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