my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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