Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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