Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
