why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
