hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
