guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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