Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
