i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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