He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will pee on everything he values.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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