too bad you live with your parents still
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
