Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
