it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
