# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
