No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
