I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
