after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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