I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
