so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
