You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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