DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
