the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
