And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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