We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
