Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Rumble strips road head = magical
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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