dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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