Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
high people should be assigned attendants
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
