the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
