is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
