pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
