It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize