So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
