Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
